Delirious 200 miler 9 February 2022

 

 

 The journey I started in November 2020 with MFR and Rob culminated at Delirious 200 miler on 9 February 2022.Regardless of the outcome like life there is no finality and there is no end . Everything is impermanent . This like life is not a fairy story .It is the perception of my mind whether I finished the race , DNF or anything else ,it is my own single and very inaccurate perception .That is why in Buddhism , everything is an illusion as we see the world from the prism of our really inaccurate malfunctioning mind. 

I did not finish . I DNFed at 120km into a 340 km run . Nearly 15 months of preparation .There is failure, sense of loss ,even despair. My ego damaged . But quite the opposite. I had nothing but a sense of thankfulness, appreciation and love for all around me. I had no feeling .There were moments of regret and sadness but they did not last long and is the remnant of my old ego bound individual self. If I was frank that which I cling to,desire , the source of suffering at least in Buddhist Dharma  is something I cannot completely let go hence the pangs of failure as I am human .I have the feelings which is what the Buddhist called Dhukka because we follow the 3 poisons of delusions desires and attachments. The attachment is to attach value of self because of achievement . But in the past months I have learnt more then running .I understand the suffering and leaning into it especially when running such distances . I had faced it and knew I could . I also knew I did not have to do it at all cost as I had no desire other then my own journey to test my self in that cauldron of suffering .

This is a race report about failing to finish but really fundamentally for me it is a learning about what it is to be alive to be human .I have fallen into a group of people , ultra runners who share the joy and love of running long distances who care for each other, who fundamentally have a love for the sport that encapsulates what it is to be human enjoying our environment, caring for it and looking out for each other and supporting each other no matter what.Here is a microcosm of what it is to be a good human being if we could share this with the rest of the world. That is a small lesson taken from the week of experience. 

Had I finished the emphasis would have been about achievement . But I learnt more seeing everyone deal with their demons and difficulties .I had to deal with mine . I learnt much and I think I have grown

.

But each race report has a beginning.This starts post Feral 100 miler with a decision as to whether to give Delirious a go. It took a month to decide as I knew it would be hard.Did I want to make the commitment.Could I get crew and pacers and the logistics of such a big event.All these concerns . But I knew fundamentally , I had to give it a go if only to confront my own character.testing it and to leave my ego and be willing to fail.It is easy to not try for fear of damaging my ego and my misguided view of how the world will see me. But here we have this very Buddhist view of the 3 poisons. I did not set out to fail but knew lots had to go well for the race to come together perfectly .yet I knew what I needed to do having paced half the race in October.

I knew my shortcomings and my strengths. But life is about the challenges one faces but more importantly how we conduct ourselves and face these challenges. There was always doubts about running such a daunting distance but the past year of training and meditation has taught me that I have nothing to fear but the fear of ego and failure . My only doubt after Feral was nutrition which I had never mastered . Unlike all the other aspects of the race , I felt least prepared when it came to nutrition.

 

This became the main issue again.But starting from the beginning is the Planning.I had a Race Plan which was adapted from Jonathan's very detailed plan.I had listed all the nutrition, clothing changes and had dropped bags as well. 

There was organizing the crew and caravan .I felt quietly confident having planned as best I could.The drive down on Tuesday was pretty straight forward and I for once did not feel nervous before a race .Like Feral I had come to a peace in my mind. I had some great friends helping in the support crew .I was filled with gratitude . I would never dream I would be giving this a go.  

The race and my pacing was pretty much as planned from the beginning and up to about 54km or Dog Road Aid station I was doing well.As the day wore on and there was the afternoon stretch trough the Pingurup plain which was just low bush with no tree cover where I suspect I probably did not have enough calories and then as the day moved to night and the temperature dropped I tried to fill myself thinking I needed more nutrition as I could see my energy levels drop.Unfortunately that was counter productive as I tried to get to Broke Inlet i started to throw up .This would have been at about 90-95km into the race .i got to Broke Inlet with Jonathan and Lindsay walking out to meet me for the last 3-4 km and had a 2 hour sleep a change of clothes and that helped a lot. Got some food down ...not sure what and felt good for the first 5-8 km before again feeling the energy go and finding it hard to stomach anything . Managed to hget to Mandalay Aid station about 110 km in and again had an hours break .It was warm and started off on the sand and it just progressively got harder with just no energy to move up the dunes. I made he hard decision to turn around as I did not want to collapse and create a problem for the RDs . Again physically i had no issues other then my nutrition intake and my gut not tolerating food. I knew I would regret the decision but as the weeks rolled in months post race I have found peace with the choices and accepting that I run for no one other then myself .I do not do this for ego and in the vacuum of no self and no feeling , the race is despite the issues that arose a joyous experience .It is personal and so much more then finishing or distance. 

It has been a15 month journey with Rob and the MFR Sangha ...after 4 months of rest and lots of contemplation I have learnt much . I may not be or have not developed as a runner .I am certainly not faster then 5 years ago but I think I have become a better human being for the experience.

Lessons I learnt just Running in 2021

The latest addition Kurumi meaning Walnut

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

 

King's Park Perth November 2021

The year 2021 . Another year of control, restraint ,closed borders and uncertainty and lots of worry . For West Australians we have been fortunate . The border closure and restrictions have to some degree set a different tangent of outcomes. I was certain of my position and views .I have now tempered my views .They have not changed but my compassion and understanding of others has. Without rehashing the whole year of training and discovery which are set out in the blog , I have set out below some valuable lessons .

I have tried to distill the main points I think I have learnt about myself in this journey we call life this year .Not to look back or forward but to understand . Aside from finally doing a miler ,the main lesson or revelation has been Meditation.After Wild Goose Chase 100km in June I started to meditate more and even up to an hour a day spread out over the day.Some sessions troubled with thoughts others sheer moments of emptiness of thought and bliss in that I had no thought , no feeling , no worry , no concern.The revelation has been as I meditated more the more I felt at ease with everything.The stress of the day , of life seems to have melted away ,at least for the moment and I seemed to have an inner peace to deal with greater clarity anything in front of me. 

 I learnt a new word...Equanimity .I learnt to not take everything to heart , to react to let every action, thought comment consumed me. In a way , to disassociate from everything but still be connected seems to be the way . To recognize we are all the same energy . I began to subscribed to Tricycle and started listening to the Secular Buddhist ( thank you Chailee) . Rob then suggested listening to Ajahn Brahm and I found the WA Buddhist Society and lots of dharma talks and guided meditations. I read Shinzen Youngs Book the Science of Enlightenment ( well had in on an audio file) It is a work in progress as having had the book read , it needs more then one reading for the understanding to sink in.  But it has helped. 

I did the Coursera Yale course the Science of Happiness at the beginning of the year and it more or less reinforced all the concepts I was picking up .Meditation , and many other helpful hints to deal with life in the course there was a suggestion to keep a gratitude journal which I did for a short while and will return to that in the new year. 

 

Being Conscious of the moment

The main lesson is to live ,conscious of the moment ,the here and now.The past is a memory it is tampered by our unreliable mind and the future is not here. By living in the moment we are enjoying what we have in the now. As one of the many talks I have heard , we can never dip our feet in the same river . To be in the moment is what we should strive for and meditation helps with that.

I have reoriented my goals . Running has not been about winning . I have always been a back of the pack athlete but it was about striving for goals.I realized that I it just made the exercise tiresome and one dimensional. All along I could have been enjoying the total experience of the exercise rather then focused on a time , a result.Its like striving to identify a new insect whilst missing the beauty of the insect or nature.Both reasonable quest but one certainly more inspiring and revealing then the other.

I have learnt to be less judgmental ...On myself and others.In the past I would determine what is good and what is bad. The world has both and more so mixtures of both in all . Whether it is in professional or social life there is no one dimension of the cartoon good vs evil. I have had to hold my tongue and be kind and to not be so quick to judge . A lesson I wish I had learnt 30 years ago and a lesson I am still learning as it is easy to divide the world in black and white .

Impermanence

A very  Buddhist concept but everything is an illusion because we see the world in and through the prism of our mind. A faulty and unreliable machine. As such life is impermanent , we humans strive for stability , happiness and a good life. All concepts that have no meaning . 

 The true goal in Buddhism isn’t to achieve happiness. It’s to achieve liberation or freedom. Once you’ve come to understand that life is impermanent, you can transcend this pursuit of happiness and the constant running away from fear that is so common in our lives and learn to live by letting go. Letting go is the path to real freedom. Letting go of the idea that we are permanent and understanding that we are impermanent and death is a fantastic way to do this. To practice death is to practice freedom. Yet, the only requirement to be happy is to be free. Happiness is the result, but happiness isn’t the goal, and there are two things we can confidently say about death. It is an absolute certainty that we will die, and it is uncertain when or how we will die. The past is past and the future is not yet here, and even the present as we experience it, it becomes that past. Really, the only thing we really have is now. It is only when we believe things to be permanent that we shut off the possibility of learning from change. Sogyal Rinpoche says, “Life is nothing but a continuing dance of birth and death. It’s a dance of change.” 

From Noah Rasheta Secular Buddhism

 By understanding Impermanence and having that freedom we will be happier or really liberated.

There is the concept of the three poisons in Buddhism, which is thinking that there are things that if we can have, we’ll be happier. If there are things that we can avoid, we’ll be happy, and the third one is ignorance. It’s the ignorance of thinking that way. 

The truth is that the present moment contains everything that is perfect Milarepa, a famous Tibetan poet says, “My religion is to live and die without regret.” 

In one of Noah Raheta's  podcast . He sets out 11 tools :

The first one is meditation The second tool is to be present. Meditation is the practice for being present. You know that feeling when someone has been talking to you then suddenly you realize, you actually haven’t been paying attention so you kind of have to pause and say, “Wait, say that again.” Yeah, this is the opposite of that. Being present is something that you do throughout the day all the time and you have to remember, and remembering is the trick The third tool is to watch for distractions. We constantly have the urge to check e-mail, check social media. Then fourth, we’re going to let go of all expectations and here’s the thing. We all have expectations all the time.Life is like a Tetris game and we need to quit playing it like it’s chess game That leads us to the fifth tool, accepting people as they, accepting life as it is. This kind of leads to the sixth tool, to learn to be okay with discomfort. The seventh tool, watch your resistance. When you try to do something uncomfortable or you try to give up something, you’re going to find resistance, but you can just watch the resistance and be curious about it. The eighth tool for mindful living is to be curious. See, too often, we’re just stuck in our ways and we think that we know how things should be. We know how people are, how people should be and instead of being curious in finding out, we need to allow ourselves to experiment and let go of what you think you know he ninth step, is to learn to be grateful. The tenth one is to let go of control. the eleventh step. This to me is the most important one. It’s to learn to be compassionate. 

 Death ,Karma and Mindful Living... the Secular Buddhist by Noah Rasheta 

Then from a different perspective there is an interesting interview by Rich Roll with Tommy Rivs about his dealing with cancer and his perspective of life . Not so much from a religious perspective but embracing some of the rules Noah set out for really accepting and living life fully .

Rich Roll podcast interview with Tommy Rivs , A poet of endurance and philosopher of the human spirit, Tommy is a highly credentialed elite marathoner and ultrarunner with many victories and accolades to his name.

Finally a Deepak Chopra interview in You Tube:

 If I could sum up the year it was:

Firstly calming the mind by meditation

Learning to really embrace the moment  

Living with Gratitude and Kindness

Being present not reactive

Not trying to be , letting go of desire.Whether it is to finish a race in a specific time or a material possession .

Not having ego.

 

Finally in the journey of meditation I come across a fair bit of Thich Nhat Hand's  thoughts and articles and meditation practices On his 95th birthday Tryclce did a short piece titled 

Ten Teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh for His 95th Birthday

A selection of wisdom and practices from the Vietnamese Zen master and peace activist .

We can learn much from his teachings.

Here's to a 2022 where we learn to embrace and develop these worthy skills.Robert Wright said 

Meditation isn’t the only path to peace, but it might be the simplest and best one.

Why Buddhism is true Robert Wright on the wisdom of mindfulness meditation.

 

 

THE POET OF ENDURANCE RAGES ON: SURVIVING CANCER, THE GIFT OF PAIN & THE HEALING POWER OF GRATITUDE

TOMMY RIVS

THE POET OF ENDURANCE RAGES ON: SURVIVING CANCER, THE GIFT OF PAIN & THE HEALING POWER OF GRATITUDE

Post Feral Training Week 51 -52

Kings Park Hill workouts on Mount Street(below)

After Feral 100 miler ,I had a month of a slow recovery and then a start towards training for Delirious 200 miler. There is the logistics to plan and the crew and that has been good.I made the decision to run delirious only a few weeks after Feral as I felt it was necessary to be calm , to work though the issues and most importantly the Why .That had changed from another challenge this past year to more a journey of discovery and an opportunity to experience the highs and lows and to embrace all the feelings and emotion both good and bad. It is in a way a test of all that I have learnt but not a test to pass but to experience .To be in the moment and to enjoy in nature. First 3 weeks was just walking for 30 minutes as I recovered /I had a good rest with lots of meditation that helped.Only casualties was 2 toe nails. From the end of November I started back on a plan . First week in December I had 4 hours with 2 hours just on the bike path and then drove to Busselton to watch Ironman and on Sunday ran for 2 hours as well.

Following the first week the routine build has been a hill session and a speed session and an easy run and then long runs on the weekend with some walking on sand . It has been a nice easy build. 

 

City Beach walk on Sand 12 December 2021

 

The Feral 100 miler 6 November 2021

  “Breathing in, I calm body and mind. 

Breathing out, I smile. 

Dwelling in the present moment 

I know this is the only moment.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh, Being Peace

 

 

 

    

                                            I live, I breathe
                                            I let it rain on me
                                            I sleep, I wake
                                            I try hard not to break
                                            I crave, I love
                                            I've waited long enough
                                            I try as hard as I can

                                                                  

 

                            

Sunrise Mt Cooke

 

Remarkably as I finished my first miler late afternoon on Sunday 7 November 2021, the thrill , the overwhelming relief , joy and high I use to get from such events is not there. The odd feeling was no doubt of achievement , of quiet thankfulness , the overwhelming satisfaction of kindness ,love and concern that I felt from everyone around from the MFR group I have been with for over a year , Rob , the Vollies, the runners at the back of the pack and the spectators at the finish line  . This remarkable transformation for me over a year has been down to the coaching of Rob in respect to 2 aspects of running :

• Not about speed and physicality , but the mental ( though training is important) 
• the sort of the spirituality of running if there was such a concept .

For me the meditation and scaling it up has calmed my thought processes, that as others had described as though the colour of life around me has become so present and magnified. The sole training of the mind to remain in the present seems to calm the soul and mind that no event , incident ,emergency or episode has jarred me like situations in the past. 

15 years ago as I started swimming in the Ocean I recall the anxiety attacks which I dealt with by confronting it head on and with just sheer determination of practice to overcome and I learned to love the ocean for the freshness and openness with nature.Though that same fear and anxiety would come back from time to time.

This time the mind has become the control as we cannot change our external forces but we can control how we see the world .It is our mind and emotions that really determine our flow in the world and how we see , feel and react to the external forces. It makes me realize quickly what I can effect and what I cannot and to accept with equanimity the situation. It has been an eye opener. It is still a learning journey of decades but one I enjoy starting. Oddly the more I have meditated the more I do not worry or stress .As I train , it has become more the default set to my mind. For that I am thankful .It is never perfect but we are never perfect, we strive to be and that is the journey. 

So there as the race is finished , the lows of the day and the highs of the day seem to even out.Is that good or bad.Well for an emotional heart on the sleeve character possibly I miss out on the highs , the tears of joy crossing the finish line, but oddly I felt so much joy seeing Jonathan finish I was moved to shed a few tears (maybe it was the tiredness seeping through,but it was gladness for what he had achieved) .This time round there was none of that .Maybe I was just so tired or like the highs they had been filed down by the mind as were the lows. I honestly had no low points or points I felt I had loss control. At the end the tiredness was overwhelming but not sufficient for me to stop ,just slow down.

The start of this long journey goes back to 2019 when Feral was cancelled (extreme heat that weekend and the Bib was shut down) I know why now. I did do the 50km run on Sunday and that was hot . I had run into Rob literally as he was training for a journey run in Sumbawa a few weeks earlier. I knew him as the Aura President . I then spent the next year 2020 not really training but having spurts of activity .It was a weird year. A Covid year. My entry rolled to 2020 and I started the Feral at midnight and 15 km into the race it was over as I walked and shuffled to Sullivan's rock and threw in the towel . That started the call to rob and the Mind Focused training . It was not easy . Goose in June the first test was a DNF .I was wanting to give up at 40km . Rob at Big G calmly said just go for another loop and it worked. The hallucinations the cold night the solitude did not freak me out. I was coming to understand the importance of the acceptance of everything or equanimity with everything a race will and does throw at runners. But the disappointment of being pulled 5km from the finish line after being sent the wrong way on the last loop was a lesson to be learnt. Not quite accepting yet.Not quite understanding equanimity .

The next test WTF again was a DNF . Quads blew up on the downhills. But there was an acceptance and calmness . I learnt sometimes tough decisions have to be made but it is knowing when to make them. I could have struggled through WTF or rested and went round the next day. Maybe again fate had played a hand . I was pretty Ok after a few days and able to pace Jon in Delirious 10 days later. That was an experience in 4 days and knowing I could handle the conditions, the trail ,the low spirits and there were lots was heartening. I saw lot of great runners and how they handled themselves .I saw the beauty of running without expectation and worry .

Those were the seeds of a rather unorthodox preparation for Feral 100 2021 but a WTF DNF meant Feral was a chance for redemption and practicing what I had learnt. If things are going to go wrong and they inevitably do we must learn to accept with equanimity that which is thrown at us and we know we have the strength to deal with these curve balls.

The lead up to the race started with a race planner 2 weeks before the race .A little late but better then none. I had practice with WTF a month earlier. Downloaded the course again on Garmin and GAAI .  Had all my lights and batteries recharged. Got my 2 power banks .Got food , lots of nuts , bars and lollies, coke , chocolate milk and coconut juice and even noodles at the Perth Hills Discovery Centre  aid station. 

Had my running gear sorted and shoes and socks . I felt confident that I had prepared well. The only time I felt some anxiety was the long ride out to North Bannister on Albany Hwy. Meditating was hard .I did try. Then at 1120pm we arrive and there is just a dirt road and darkness . As Shaun gathered the 45 runners round a clearing in a circle he spoke about the adventure , the new found mates around us , savor the moment .It will come with the lowest of moments but  we can do this. That is my limited foggy recollection .But I will forever remember looking up into that star lit night and I thought how lucky am I standing here about to start this adventure and I am surrounded by so much of this great southern night sky . At that moment there really was no fear anxiety or worry I knew it was the right thing to do whatever happened I was doing this because I wanted to .I was in the moment and I was feeling everything I could from the moment.Nothing else matted. For that little gathering I must thank Shaun as it forced me to look up .

Without much fanfare at just 11.59 Emma counted down the start and off we went heading towards Albany Highway on a 3km loop and then back to the start . I was at the back and continued running down Albany Hwy till someone shouted the turn around  was the Hwy. Back I came . I just ran my own race and probably after passing the start line and about 8-10 km into the race ran into Rosa and Ash . I stuck with them as there was no race strategy other then not to go out hard. That continued till they got to Nerang and used the toilets.I went ahead thinking they would catch me pretty quick but it wasn't till we were at the foot of Mt Cooke that I saw them coming.That was about 30km into the race. We climbed it together and fortunately did not get too lost we had a spectacular sunrise waiting for us. Timing was good.

Rosa's picture of the sunrise

the 3 of us on Mt Cooke

Climbing Mt Cooke

It was a further 10-12km to Sullivan's Rock and the First Aid station.Got there just before 7am >I had my tailwind refilled and coke and coconut water. A quick bite of a small muffin . Just a bit too dry and I headed off and waited for Rosa and Ash at the top of the rock .As they came we followed the course on my gpx and we were back on the bib heading for Brookton Hwy Aid station about 31-32 kms away. The sun was up and this section Rosa said had a fair bit of climbing and gnarly sections . There was a fair bit of climbing and then some good down hill sections There is Mt Cuthbert and Mt Vincent on the course. We stuck together till about 5km out Ash dropped off the pace and Rosa and I ran into Brookton .It was warming up . I had a good break and refueled .Had a hash Brown . By this stage I had taken 2 Nurofen and 2 Panadol and 1 salt tablet.As it turned out may have not had enough salt during the run.i had an icy pole and headed out of the Aid Station.With Rod there all went well . I got a cold Ginger beer and that helped with the hydration. I think I had 15 or 20 minutes at the aid station .Changed my top and headed out. Checked with Rob and Shannon that Mt dale I thought was 13km but maybe 17.8 km. Got to Brookton after 1.15pm and I think I left at 1.40 or 45pm

As Rob crossed Brookton hwy with me it was on to the next Aid Station .I was now 73km into the race. A km down the road I started to get sick and had my first spew. Then a toilet stop in the woods . Felt a bit better but should have realized the lack of salt despite the hash brown with salt was not going to be enough. This section I was alone as Rosa was still resting at Brookton. I did get passed by one of the guys with his pacer near the Mt Dale Hut .We all thought the aid station was here but it was a few more kms away .We got there in the end. Great to see the Mt Dale Aid station with Harmony and had a rest. I was making the cut offs and I had got there by 4pm . The next Aid station was Beraking. I did get a little lost but just before Beraking Rosa caught up with me .Great to have company and I managed to keep up with her. Beraking was about 11.5 km away and was about the 98km mark of the course. Alexis who was sweeping the Start to Brookton was there putting in a long day and night like Rob .  Great to see them and managed to get a hot cup of green tea. We were there about 6 pm .I was not able to hold down much and had spewed a bit more . I had some water melon and kept drinking as much as I could but knew I was not getting enough food or fluids in. Again no panic just accepting that I was still able to move forward. The last leg to Allen's was about 13 km and was dark and we both set off as Kate came in with the sweeper Mark. They caught up with us along the way and we soldiered on. This was a long slow stretch I think it took us about 9 or 10 pm and then the last push to PCHC . Kate had a rest at Allens as we started off from Allen's . I had a bit to drink and some fruit. This was a gnarly section with lots of climbing and un-runable sections ,not that we were running . I just recall how long and slow this section was . Rosa eventually dropped me about 5km I guess from PHDC . This section took a lot of time and I got in at about 3 am . I think we would have left Allen's around 10pm but that is my best guess as my Garmin had reset when I was recharging it and in the end died at the Kalamunda turnaround. I was cold and feeling really tired.

Camel farm Aid station having a melon

Kalamunda Aid Station

Camel Farm

Crossing the Weir

At the finish

Rob smiling , me not so much

On the last leg

 

I had a rest for about an hour .BK had just finished so he was sitting at the finish line telling me how tough the out and back course was ...he called it the Death Loop. Didn't quite register as I was just trying to get warm and have a little sleep Jon Storey did have a go at BK for being so discouraging. remember that much. Did not work .Harmony came over and I did mention I was just waiting for Rob and she offered to wake him up.He came over and we agreed we would leave as soon as he was ready and I think we left soon after 4am. It was dark and  I just followed him out . It was a slow march but anything slightly downhill he encouraged me to jog and I was able to do it. I don't remember much else. Accept seeing Shaun and Sarah and his pacer coming back and Shaun giving Rob and me a hug. Then it was off down and up the weir .A bit of discussion about whether to follow Mundaring Weir road but we found the point to cross Mundaring weir Road and then the long walk up hill and there were lots .I could not recall how many hills there were .

Glad to get to the Camel Farm aid station and had a cup of tea which I kept down. A short rest and then we headed for Kalamunda. Ran into Glen and Darlene as we were heading to the Powerline and they said it was only a gnarly 4km section. I wasn't really projecting other then moving forward. We also ran into Rosa as they were heading down the climb and we pushed ahead but Rosa caught me on the climbs . We also had the runners for the 23km start rushing down as we headed up to Jorgensen park. It was good to get to the turn around .had a bit of fruit and a coke and then started the last leg back. It was on the climb back down when I had another spew. . But it was just knowing that there was no projecting just dealing with the moment. No expectation . My watch had died ( forgot to switch the power bank at PHDC Aid station) and I was relying on Rob's watch and following him .This did make me slightly disorientated as I really could not recognize the Bib course

Towards the end ,I was really tired with the heat and the lack of food ,suggesting to Rob we have a rest when he told me that we were at the end. Nothing in the last 4 hours of the Bib looked familiar other then the Weir and the road crossing. In fact I thought Rob was taking me on an extra long course as a test .Not quite delirious but just rationalizing the time I was out on the last leg. Importantly I was not disagreeing but prepared to take the challenge? It wasn't and we were pretty much on the bib course all the time , again the importance of being focused in the moment. 

The finish was an anticlimax. I was relieved to finish but as stated above there was none of the raw unbridled emotion. A quiet sense of finishing what I set out to do and comfortable with my effort. 

As I drove home , collapsed into a deep sleep  and after letting everything sink in, I have identified the learning's both practical and more esoteric:

 1 Definitely prepare for the unknown in that to expect the unexpected.Here my throwing up which I had not experienced before

2 Meditation in the weeks leading to the run were valuable

3 re evaluating my food , nutrition and salt intake before a race is now critical. I will have to put more effort into the food intake and what is in the drop bags.

4 Again the sense of calm and gratitude was invaluable especially in the moments alone and in the dark. Absolutely no anxiety which was a regular feature of my races  

5 An absolute sense of gratitude I was able to race , to be in the moment , to take part , to be in nature ,amongst a great group of people , friends and finish.

lost nails post run

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The strava map of the run incomplete as Garmin died about 18km from the end