 |
| King Jarrah Walk Leg 2 |
 |
| Powerlines |
 |
| Powerlines Ian McCready who finished the Miler |
 |
| Leg 1 walking the hills |
 |
| Nanga Camp Start of WTF |
Don't Dream Its Over ...Crowded House
The race course till my Garmin died
The build up to WTF my first 100 miler (after 2 false starts) was as good as it would get.No injuries and really a lot of meditation to settle the mind to all the issues that will come up in the run ...a long run.
But as in life nothing goes to plan. It was a great course just a little hilly. I had done most of the course in 2 outings so I knew what I was in for. The race preparation was organized and I had done a race plan a few weeks earlier and had my drop bags sorted , nutrition worked out a little generalized but knew I just had to keep my fluids in and salt and food in every hour.
Got to the Nanga Camp and registered by 4 pm on Friday 24 September 2021 and had all the gear sorted. In bed by 9 pm and did try and sleep but just being in a new environment with the excitement of the race made it a little difficult.Had a bit though. Interestingly the mind was a lot calmer .None of the usual tension that comes from nerves before the race. I do put it down to the meditation I have been doing . Heaps of it , be it the difficulty is everything is imperfect that is what makes us human . Fortunately the night was not as cold as sleeping in a tent in the Avon Valley.
All the usual runners I see at races in the state were there and some new ones . A world Champion Triathlete Pamela was there having done a few milers at 69 years of age.So there is hope for me yet.
Got up nice and early at 4.30 am . I was ready with a quick breakfast . The race briefing was short and we were off. No fanfare. The weather was perfect. Got into a slow rhythm and the first leg the hilliest with 1000 plus meters was hard with 2 loops of a 5km section with the feet getting wet crossing the streams .The worry was the wet feet and blisters. I did that leg in under 5 hours and was back at HQ before 11am to tackle the longest section the 32 km King Jarrah section. Rob was there and a few words of support and refueling and off again. The mind was just focused on the task in the present.I meditated every time I started to feel any negative thought but fortunately there wasn't much at this point .Just appreciating the moment for what it was and the gratitude at being there doing this. Again kept the pace pretty steady.Legs were tiring but had no issues .Having the aid station 2 at about 7.5 km was good to refuel with coke and water . Had a can of coconut water as well. I was taking salt tablets every 3-4 hours to supplement the tailwind as well and had no cramps so far. I finished this section following Sue and Sharon most of the course as we overlapped until the end when I followed them back in . Found it hard to keep up with their walking preferring to jog or shuffle .
Got back to Nanga and again a bit of a cheese sandwich and then refueling the bidons and off on leg 3 a 22km section .It was 5pm and was going to be dark and my watch was low in battery life so had my charger as well . This section turned out to be really hard .For most of the run I was with Sharon and Sue till the end.Fortunately as I would have had to rely on the Gaai maps as the watch died at about 76km 6-7 km from the end. This was a hard slog as the legs slowly started to seize up in the cold.The quads were just not working as I struggled to move.
We got to the turn around .Along the way seeing several runners as they headed back . The sun setting and the eeriness of the pine forest made for an interesting run but having done this section in early morning darkness I knew what to expect accept that I had not run to the end.The turn around could not come quick enough. The legs were definitely struggling although I knew that it was going to be hard getting out again. Here is where the difficulty in knowing when to persevere and when to stop. The last 4-5 kms were really hard as the legs and quads especially were just seizing up .Probably with the cold and maybe not enough calories although I was eating every hour just a bit of nuts , sandwich, nutbar, coke , coconut water , and lollies .
I was really struggling the last 2-3 kms , the watch died at 76km and I used my Gaai maps to at least make sure I was on the right track . I got dropped by the 3 girls I was with about 4kms from the end . I think I would have finished in about 15.5 hours for the 83kms . I got into camp Nanga in pain with the quads just not functioning and not so sure what I would do next.Had a bit of rest .Changed the top and then the mind was just not really sure.The one difference from Goose , I was not really upset or depressed. Just really absorbing the situation unfolding but not sure of the next move.Do I try to move .In the end with Robs suggestion I gave it a go. Took some Panadol and got out there. The watch was recharging and I had Nick to lead me out . We took the first km up to the top of the hill .Even before I got to the top I knew the legs just weren't going to sustain the walking for several hours. Difficult decision but the one lesson learnt is that I did have to make a decision and make it without emotion.In comparison to Goose there was a fair bit of introspection and a bit of blaming others .This time I had no emotion other then sadness at disappointment for others who had supported me . I think the one lesson I can take is that there is no ego in ultras and it can be a good and it can be a bad day for anyone. There is like life lots of disappointments but in the end it is going out to try . A few weeks earlier on a Buddhist website I came across an article by American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron’s advice for leaning into the unknown
She starts by stating:
If there is one skill that is not stressed very much, but is really needed, it is knowing how to fail. There is a Samuel Beckett quote that goes “Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” That quote is what will help you more than anything else in the next year, the next ten years, the next twenty years, for as long as you live, until you drop dead.
There is a lot of emphasis on succeeding. We all want to succeed, especially if we consider success to be things working out the way we want them to. Failing is what we don’t usually get a lot of preparation for.
And as in life and running we never prepare to fail , but isn't the whole point of running a 100 miles is to test the mind and the body and surely there is a chance of failure. I had done the training, run trails , worked on my strength , tried to keep healthy and fit and increased my meditation. Yet the test was in actually running the distance . In that I failed . But I have taken in a lot of lessons in the past 10 months . The main one as in life is to accept pain , failure and even success with equanimity.Nothing is permanent . Nothing is real .It is our perception of the world the winning , the losing that is the dream . We put our heart in that false measure for it is our unreal perception of the world.
The Beckett quote has been used as a call to arms to not quit generally by the world ( and some think really out of context as Beckett did not mean that). But as Pema Chondron from a Buddhist perspective and her meaning is maybe don't be so hard on yourself .Don't beat yourself up for failing but maybe learn and maybe even if you think you failed you may learn that you did not and it may be as she says open new channels of discovery.
The alternative perspective from Melissa Turkingto's article below :
Out of context, quotes like this offer you a measure of reassurance—famous artists fail, too—and the motivation to dust off and press on. All you have to do is keep improving and everything will work out.
Oh, my precious little cherub, no.
Not to spit in your Wheaties, friend, but this line is an excerpt from a pretty dark story about the futility of trying. It’s not a call to action, it’s a warning.
Beckett was a nihilist. His work focused on such uplifting themes as isolation (social death), the absurdity of life (psychological death), and death (death death). He was hardly interested in encouraging his audience to persevere. Heck, Waiting for Godot is literally about waiting for an intervention that never comes.
The man was seriously obsessed with quitting.
Yet as she concludes :
In his own gloomy way, Beckett reminds us that success is not a goal, it’s a secondary outcome. As is failure.
In that view, they are equally pointless rubrics. The only ghost worth chasing is the personal enigma that seems to sneak its way into everything you write, the eternal question that rattles around between your ribs.
Let go of the pressure to succeed, whatever form that takes for you, because life in all its absurdity is motivation enough.
Excerp from Mellisa Turkingto's piece on Beckett Fail Better: What Samuel Beckett Can Teach Us About Quitting
So this blog started as a log of training for Ironmans and then getting to Kona , thousands of hours training and travel and time away from family and then pivoting to ultra running , harder and longer events . Is it ego or a desire to fulfill a need or a want. I don't know . It has certainly taken me on a journey I never expected . It has been a revelation and learning odyssey . Never safe and actually full of DNFs in recent years , torment and failures and frustration at finding that secret formula to success in Triathlons as in Ultras. Maybe the secret is there isn't one but just looking and testing oneself and even failing is part of life . I Don't begrudge the fellow travelers their success . They are not on the same journey. I Don't compare , don't measure . I am now content that I have done my best , as flawed as it is .
In Dwellingup , on the WTF course , there were few highs and lots of moments of perseverance and at the end pain and disappointment. But throughout there was also friendship and beauty and being present in that moment . It was not an earth shaking moment in mine or anyone's life yet it formed a moment that can't be taken away .
It took 24 hours of self reflection but with my meditation routine I have found I do not Yo-yo between huge highs and significant lows of depression . The DNF at WTF whilst disappointing has not brought out the old self of reactivity .I put that down to the meditation. As flawed as my meditation is .I see the bigger picture from failure , you learn if you are curious and we can all keep failing .It makes us no less human, no less perfect , no less loved or no less . The contradiction in any race is the measurement of distance , time and worth in that measure and in our mind . Escaping that or trying is the lesson in this journey so far.
This same weekend , the AFL Grandfinal was played in Perth for the first time and Melbourne Demons won the flag as I was out on the course. I am not a footy fan but it took the club 57 years to win the flag since they last won it in 1964 , about the same time I have been on Earth. It does not define the club or their players or their fans . I think they all participate because they love the game , the result as we say is the icing on the cake . Or is it.
