O foolish and afflicted mind, you want, you crave for everything, but everything is never enough -Shantideva (late 7th to mid-8th century CE) was a Buddhist monk, philosopher, and poet .
Travelling Wilburys ...The End of the Line
Well, it's alright, ridin' around in the breezeWell, it's alright, if you live the life you pleaseWell, it's alright, doin' the best you canWell, it's alright, as long as you lend a hand
Well, it's alright, even if the sun don't shineWell, it's alright (alright), we're going to the end of the line
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| Starters at Delirious 2023 |
Another year of training and Delirious has rolled round. After last years disaster with nutrition I made specific efforts to dial down the nutrition as best I could .I had documented my runs and the nutrition , spoke to a nutritionist and at least up to 100km had worked on the nutrition with the same issues I had faced.
Aside from the training which started again in June 2022 , I now would have 2 years of running trails .Quite a number of long runs , one in September on my own and unsupported although that was in cold weather . I also had religiously worked on a strength program working out in the gym to strengthen my very weak left leg(injuries from the hockey field 40 plus years ago)
I also had over 2 years of meditation and was doing at least 7 plus hrs a week sometimes 10 hrs a week of meditation. I had no fear as to the course and had now done most of it bar maybe 60km of delirious.
The lead up to Delirious as usual is lots of Preparation. I had Jonathan Smith again pacing and my son also Jonathan crewing.(his first ) So we both drove down 10 days before the race to recce the aid stations he would be at .For the aid stations up to Mt Clare I also had small drop bags with additional food.
As far as preparation I could not complain. I had also made the preparation a lot simpler .Just 2 crew and a vehicle . Keeping everything flexible. and not expecting everything to go to plan.
Tuesday 7 February 2023.
Started off to Northcliffe and it was an easy trip arriving after we checked in to our motel in Pemberton. Got registered and hung around for an hour before heading to back.I had dinner and then settled in for the night .Jonathan Smith got to Pemberton at about 8.30 pm .
The next day he drove me to the start line and I got the tracker fixed . I remember Shaun saying something about this being Redemption(having DNF in 2022) .I didn't think much and just sat waiting for the start. Had a breakfast of coffee and a croissant. Had all the food and 2 litres of fluid . I knew what was ahead but felt confident . I did have a cyst on my back that had become infected but had some antibiotics for it and was just hoping it would not burst .I did speak to the medic at Pingerup Aid Station.
In hind sight the cyst had masked other underlying issues that were not so evident to me till after the race.
The race started promptly with 80 plus runners.I had not slept well but it was more the excitement then nerves and surprisingly felt calm and good and not overtly worried.
We started off and I just followed at the back to the turn around and then back to the start line to everyone's cheers and Glenn just behind filming . Soon with a few kilometers I was pretty much on my own with a few runners in front and a few at the back. The first 2 aid stations were pretty uneventful accept for the humidity . I had some cramping pretty mild but got a few more salt tablets from Rob and then discovered a whole bag of salt tablets later tucked deep in my vest. From Chepsapeake East to Dog Leg. I was with Greg and Kirk ( who is an ultra legend having done 4 of these 200 milers) So I just kept up with them. We made it to Dog Leg where I had something to eat , a Milo and got my bottles filled. I had lots of food but I was not eating as much but felt good. I started off , with the rest following soon.George another ultra legend soon joined us and we all got to Pingerup at I guess about 9 pm . Greg saw a small snake in the dark. We had our vest and torches out . Still moving relatively well on the straight road to Pingerup.
At Pingerup I had a soup , a drink and then loaded up with tailwind and water headed off into the dark .To be joined and passed by Greg, Kirk and George who ran off in the dark. (He runs in the dark ) It was a full moon and this was one of those priceless moments just a few runners the quiet of the night and the full moon with the stars out.
Not a lot to complain about .This was why I was running this ultra to test my self but to be out here enjoying these moments. I was alone again as Greg moved on and I changed my batteries in my lights .
I got into Broke Inlet Aid station.Jonathan and Rob were there. I had a sleep for 2 hrs and headed out at 3.30 am I was slightly ahead of my schedule. I did find myself lightheaded and a little more fatigued. I did have a dirt nap a few kms further . I was slowing abit .I still kept eating and drinking and by the time I got to Mandalay had consumed my 2 litres of fluids . I had pancakes at Mandalay another Milo and Jonathan C was there with my food and again 2 litres of fluids .I left at about 10.30 thinking I would be able to make Walpole in good time. The only issue the watch battery was running low and for whatever reason the charger was not working despite showing it had over 80% charge.I should have switched the chargers at Mandalay but didnt and the watch did die at 3 pm .I unfortunately struggled on this leg which was only about 20 plus kms . There was just lots of short climbs and I began to just find it difficult and I was getting very lightheaded. strangely there was no panic , just putting one leg infront. I was taking 2 hrs to do 5km and that was worrying . I was passed by Frank about 15km into the section I estimate and he was moving well. I did mention the cut off at Walpole which surprised him. he soon started moving ahead of me and I could not keep up . The watch had died but I was just following the bib markers anyway. As I got to the start of the climb up Mt Claire, Lauren and the sweeper Nick came up and we all got into Mt Clare together.I was really hurting now the legs were just seizing up from what was like just too much lactic acid despite not really going very hard .
At Mt Clare all I remember is getting more fluids and having a pepsi. That felt good .Rob saying I had 2 hrs and ten minutes to make the cut off. I started out not feeling confident I would make it but I was going to try as I had agreed with Jonathan Smith I was not quitting this time . Better to try and not make the cut off. The first 5-6 kms were ok a few climbs but I was walking and trying to run a bit. As we got to the last 2-3 kms of the 10km section is when the body really struggled to just move and in the end it was a death march .I got to the corner of the recreation centre and knowing that I had not made cut off, Jonathan drove the car and got me the last 300metres.
That was the end of the quest . Not the fairy tale ending I had hoped or the great memories . Life doesn't always work out that way .Strangely there was no huge outpouring of emotion. I had given my best and failed. I was sad .I was disappointed. In the days following the DNF a lot of sad reflection. I did think of the story of the Farmer and his horse as I mellowed in self pity after failing to make the cut off at Walpole.The Real Lesson behind the Farmer and his horse . Written by Dennis Adsit
The lyrics of the song above mean heaps. If you live the life you please doing the best you can as long as you lend a hand . One run doesn't make life.I may never finish a 200 miler . Why feel miserable. There lies the truth .Is it the validation of the running community we seek ? Having a start line and a finish line is exactly about racing and finishing which is the nature of a ultra run race.Until I can separate what is important about running , about Delirious about more importantly the experience I will continue to be miserable and see the failure in finishing It becomes a judgment of a moment without a reference point .
I can focus on what I experienced , the small moments of joy in struggle. I will remember the many helpers at Aid stations, the fellow runners , the moments chatting, the full moon as I moved through the night . The help I got from family and friends . I will forever be thankful for the experience and like the Farmer I will strive to find equanimity with whatever result because like every life it leads to only one end and making the best of each moment rather then wallowing in it must surely be the best way to spend ones time.
I have no plans after Delirious and do want to thank my Coach Rob Donkersloot and family and friends I have made along the way in the particular journey.It has opened my eyes beyond just ultra running and for that I am thankful.I think I am a better person for it. The journey end was always the desired outcome but I know whilst I did not get there I have had a journey and it is in that suffering that I have felt most alive and one with life.I have learnt to love life and be compassionate for self and all beings.
In the end the lesson learnt is to let go of all the inner emotions, inner demons , all desires ,not crave not judge ,easier said then done as it is in the human nature . Live life in the moment and learn to have compassion for self. I am reminded of a quote from Apolo Ohno who was a decorated Olympic speed skater and did Hawaii Ironman:
“If I have given my all and still do not win, I haven't lost.
Others might remember winning or losing; I remember the journey.”
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Post note.
Jonathan S gave me his reflections which I had on my phone .I knew them but did not need to refer to them in the race. I had moments of catastrophising but they never stopped me in the process. For that I believe the meditation had me in a really good head space. I was always in the present moment be it just slow.
Other thoughts :
1. You get to a certain point with pain. Then doesn’t get any worse. Just a constant 10.
2. Do not ever do anything not positive. Slippery slope (getting lost, snakes, pacer behaviour)
3. When you think you’re done. You’re only 1/3 done. Suck it up and go again. Repeat.
4. Meditation works
5. It only takes a single person to believe in you and say something positive to change your whole mindset.
6.
Your brain will tell you it’s ok to quit. And then tell you lots of
stories as to why is ok. It’s not. It’s so not. Don’t believe the brain.
It’s trying to save you.
7. Bad patches do pass…and you can come really good
8. Just focus on the next step (not the one after that). One aid station at a time. No further.
9. Ego has no place. People will go past you….so what?
10. Seriously…when you’re going through hell, keep going.
11. Just stay in it…until the situation changes. Cause it will.
12.
Equipment and mandatory gear….double check everything. Didn’t do gear
check list at Denmark and caused issues (phone, hi-viz, headlamps,
batteries, food)
A week before the race I did managed to speak to my Doctor regarding my blood test results done in December when I saw him about the infected cyst.With the Christmas holidays and break they never got the results . He did ring for the results .A week before the race I did learn I had a very low Iron level 31 . I understood the norm would be much higher . This possibly explained the infection , the lightheaded sensations and the cold limbs. The fatigue on the longer runs I had put down to the extreme heat leading into December and January. The bloods having being done 7 weeks earlier meant they may have been worse. I had also donated plasma as well. Unfortunately not having picked up these signals and pushing though everything did come back to haunt me.
Adult male: 30-620 µg/L. | |
| Application: | Investigation of suspected Iron deficiency or Iron overload. |
|---|---|
| Interpretation: | Serum ferritin levels ≥30 µg/L up to the method-related upper reference limit demonstrates healthy iron stores as long as co-existing inflammatory disease or hepatocellular damage are not present. A serum ferritin level <30 µg/L for an adult is diagnostic of iron deficiency. Serum ferritin levels of 30-100 µg/L in an anaemic adult may represent iron deficiency if there is coexisting inflammatory disease. In these cases the ratio of ferritin to soluble transferrin receptors gives better discrimination. |
| Post script |
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"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought.” —Matsuo Basho
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